No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
