Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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