Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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