I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
