Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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