the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
