my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
