this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
