I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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