People in love make me want to vomit
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
