How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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