I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
