If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
