he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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