highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
