just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
