I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
