No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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