Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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