I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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