You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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