I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I need moral support for this bender
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
