I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
