Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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