We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
