is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
