We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
