i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
