I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
