The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
