I think i peed on brittanys purse
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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