Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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