Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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