i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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