Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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