it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
