That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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