So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize