Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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