so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
