I can tuck mytits in my pants
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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