Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
