does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
