update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize