I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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