I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
