i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
