Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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