My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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