You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Couch. On fire.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
