Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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