worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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