walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
