My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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