Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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