this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
