I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
