very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
