my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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