So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
