She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
