good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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