I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
