We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
