When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
