Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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