that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
