My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
