there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
