my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
