Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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