how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
