i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
