We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
