the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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