question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
