I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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